There's things we all deeply, really want. Goals, visions, desires that - if we could only make them true - would seemingly make our life much, much better. But until that happens, we actively hurt because we're living in a world that doesn't match up our ideals. It makes us sad. Mad. Makes us want to give up. So, what do we humans typically do when we find ourselves wanting something that's far from what we have? Here's a couple of possible reactions: Nothing. Could work if that thing you're craving ends up being less important for you than you thought. Or, it could be the surest way to bury your emotions so deep that they either make you physically sick or you lash out at anything and anyone around you just to release the pressure that's been built up.Look for a way out of your current situation. Let's take some examples. You're looking at the relationship you're in and you're coming up with an impressive list of what doesn't work. After a series of processes where you convince yourself the grass is greener on the other side, you end up deciding you're better off breaking the bond and start looking for

Let me start this piece with a very classic, cliche term. You must've heard the good news - we're all living in a VUCA world. VUCA is an acronym that stands for volatility, uncertainty, complexity and ambiguity - in short, it's a concept that describes why working in today's world is so hard and messy to figure out. Here's more about it: https://www.tothepointatwork.com/article/vuca-world/ While this new reality calls for agility, smarts, ability to make fast decisions and adjust quickly, most of the businesses carry along with them processes and procedures that seem to come from a very different place. There's a natural, both human and organisational need, for structure, clarity and a mapping of what needs to be done in a given role and situation. But the truth is by the time you end up developing those really thorough, all-encompassing processes, the market and the pressures felt by the business have already changed a couple of times, and the process becomes irrelevant before implementation even starts. Super fun! (not) There's many different angles you can take when trying to map out how this new world of fast change and high pressure impacts an individual, a team, an organization or a process. The one

For quite some years, companies, HR professionals, consultants and managers have been focused on finding the secret sauce to building the engagement of teams. As is the case with mostly everything, it turns out that what we should be aiming for is something far more moderate. I've recently caught myself telling coworkers and friends that being too engaged in your job is actually detrimental to you and to your company. It sounded really good, so I decided to see if there's some science behind this seemingly intuitive thought that I had. Turns out there is. A study  conducted by the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence actually talks about the perils of (too) high engagement in employees. First, turns out that there's three categories of employees from an engagement point of view: dis-engaged: they don't necessarily believe in or care about the company's mission, they lack the drive and determination to do their own work, let alone get involved in larger initiative optimally engaged: they care about the company's mission, they have solid performance and involvement not only in their own tasks but also projects that aim for company-wide improvements, and report a state of low-stress and mostly positive feelings related to their job

I'm just going to go out on a limb here and say that most of the people reading this article haven't had the toughest life. Now don't get me wrong. I'm sure you've had your struggles and some demons to fight, as we all do. But just statistically speaking, there's less chance that you had to go through natural disasters ruining your house and taking away all your possessions, battling with chronic illness or having to undergo life-threatening events. Actually, most (if not all) my friends have had a pretty good run in life. Able to easily find a job, and then just smooth transitioning through high paying office jobs, promotion after promotion, salary raise after salary raise. All of them in happy relationships, with no health issues. Same goes for me and my husband. So we get used to this ever-ascending trajectory in life. This model of how life should be gets imprinted in our heads - that the only forward is up. Bigger. Better. Surprise surprise, though, that is a highly unrealistic expectation. Chances are that life's gonna knock you back a couple of steps, maybe even more than once. This may or may not have something to do with how you played

  I remember a conversation I've once seen in a group of women.   It was a heated discussion, with a general overtone of critiquing women who give "too much attention" (whatever that means) to their physical appearance. A large number of women were undergoing the scrutiny of this ad hoc jury, facing a rain of sharply presented arguments aiming at how embarrassing their preoccupation for weight, clothes, make-up and hair was. To this group, it was very clear, beyond any shade of doubt, that such a preoccupation instantly cancels any other merits women may have: you simply could not be well-dressed and, at the same, be intelligent, a good person, a good wife, a good mother, etc.   I will not discuss the stereotypes in themselves, but I remember asking why did we spend so much time discussing the topic. Why do we spend so much time discussing about something that we declare is unimportant and superficial? What drew my attention the most was the tone of the conversation. There is a certain nuance of tone that is very hard to ignore - envy disguised as virulent criticism. This nuance is really unpleasant to hear or see.   Now I have a personal issue with the

2016 was my year of spirituality. I felt like there was something missing in my life, and went on to reconnect with myself and this instinct that I always had to find meaning, happiness and a connection to something beyond myself. I moved past most of the things I held as truth back then. Although there's a lot to be said about my time of spiritual exploration, I will stick only to what's relevant to this article. One of the things one had to adhere to in order to be a true spiritual gang member was the Law of Attraction (short, LOA). The main idea behind LOA was that thoughts create reality, and we can totally have what we want, as long as we depict very clear, specific visualizations of the outcomes we want. Dream it, claim it, own it - seems to be the royal pathway here. The trouble is things are not as simple as they sound. Yes, you start with depicting very detailed images of what you want and revisit them in your mind as much as you can, but at the same time you had to: Relentlessly curate your emotions and mental state - it's something LOA calls

I had my head full of "should"s and "have to"s about how productivity looks like. So many authors, coaches and trainers say that in order to work you have to: - get in the zone - feel inspired - be in the flow - be positive - be optimistic - feel confident - be in the right mood, etc. So, my process for getting to work back in the days was to first work on how I am feeling. Fluff up my mood. Spark my enthusiasm. Reconnect with my mission. Get to feel empowered and excited. Play upbeat music. Read inspiring stuff. And this is all good to a point - the trouble is I am setting a trap for myself. The trap is I end up thinking it's not a good idea to work when I am: - stressed - sad - tired - afraid - not in the mood - bored - not at all confident - like it doesn't really matter after all. That made me give up so much more frequently. I delayed getting started and doing the work. I spent way too many time trying to fix and change how I was feeling in order to actually start getting things done. So I decided to divorce that old mindset. I now have learned to separate work

  There's this one funny answer that we give to a very common interview question:   "What are your weaknesses?" ”Well, I'm a perfectionist. (grin) I can't rest until every detail is as it should be."   Now sometimes the interviewer remains satisfied that this is a very bearable weakness to work with. Other times, though, he silently sighs, tired of this urban myth that this is a great answer to this interview question. Cus, you know, actually perfectionism is a quality, and you just said that your only weakness is in fact a quality and no one's gonna notice what you did there.   If I were in the position of the interviewer and I would recognize a perfectionist standing in front of me, I'd have some doubts.   My experience as a coach and an HR professional (and frankly, as a human being) has shown me that actually perfectionists have the lowest growth rate.   Why does this happen and how do we become perfectionists?   More and more research shows that success relies most on what we currently call grit. Grit is the ability to passionately and persistently follow a goal, even when major blocks and distractions stand along the way. Those who are gritty have the ability to self-regulate - to get back to their commitment